ok so I am going there. I wrote a poem. Read it and I will explain.
non-stop yelling, echoing through walls
screaming crying why wont it halt
peace and quiet never came here
silence is only around when sleep occurs
but the nightmares wont stay away
distant baby, gone away forever
she never even had the chance to fight
a right she never got to have
I want it to end, can't take much more
pain in my heart, tears in my eyes
happiness is but a memory flying in the wind
no one notices the fear in my eyes
the fear she must have felt
maybe I should pay the price for her life
I gladly would, to hold her tight
My poor little baby Alyssa
what happened to the love we shared
What happened to the smiles we made
Where are the laughs and giggles
Why did it end so fast
What creature came and stole them away
was it meant to bewas she wrong
Why am I having all these suicidal thoughts
So that is probably, well maybe, a bit confusing. I got pregnant a few years back. But I had a miscarriage. Maybe it wasnt the right point in my life to have a baby, but nontheless I got pregnant. I think it was my fault she died because I didnt tell her father that I was. One night I went to his house, planning to tell him, but he was drunk. He got mad about something, and I dont think he meant to do it, but he hit me. And she was gone. My little baby girl. Gone forever.
I dont know how to get over that. Everytime I get happy inside, something in my heart lurches and that happy is gone. Just like she is. How can I forget.
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2 comments:
I have absolutely no idea what to say...that has to be one of the hardest things in the world to go through. I'm sorry you lost your little girl, but things always happen for a reason. If you're meant to have a baby, God will give you one at the right time. Just trust that it will happen. You can't blame yourself for losing her...the miscarriage could have been completely unrelated to the father hitting you. You'll just never know. I guess all you can do is learn from it, try to move on with your life, and hope that what's meant to be will find it's way. Keep your chin up, I hope things get better for you.
--Konnor
WOW! Powerful!
I'm not going to say I understand because I'm a man, and can never understand that type of pain. What I CAN say is that writing, talking, venting, etc. will help.
I'll definitely be following, and look forward to more of your words.
When you have a second, come over to my place and read some of what I have to say. I think you'll appreciate what I'm talking about.
www.coachyourmind.blogspot.com
Thanks,
Dayne
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