some hope

today I talked to Josh and asked him why he has been so distant with his feelings. He said that even though he is the one who broke up with Sarah (his pyscho ex) that he still cares for her. I know how he feels because I miss Eric like that all the time..but him and Sarah are more recent and they were together longer than me and Eric. I guess I just need to sit back and let it play out how it wants to. I cant force him to want me like I want him. And I would rather stay friends with him than push the issue and end up fighting. GAHHH!!!

I am excited for spring break. Its days away but I cant wait. Me and Tasha (my best friend) are planning a trip just the two of us for that week..SO EXCITED!! We dont know where we are going yet but we just know we want to get away. I called her crying the other day because everything was coming at me all at once. I was fighting with my mom and my sister. I was worried about my other best friend Cory because his aunt just dyed. And KC, Cory's cousin, is like a big brother to me, I havent seen either of them in such a long time. I tried calling Cory but I guess his phone is disconnected. Which worries me even more because he always pays his bill. I feel like im being cut off from everyone I love most.

Things will get better soon I hope. Its like people say, you have to get through the bad times before you get to the good because you wont know if its good unless you've experienced the bad.

I just bough the move Cast Away. I wonder what it would be like to be stranded on an island with everyone thinking you were dead. Your only friend being a vollyball. That would be so sad. To be secluded like that. I would hate it. Especially because I cant go one day without talking to Tasha. I remember when I lost my voice, it was so bad. I couldnt even whisper, cuz you couldnt hear it. everyone thought it was funny, even I thought it was funny. Then when I had to give a speech I was laughing so hard, of course you couldnt hear it, but like no one understood a word I was trying to say. Anyway back to the point. That was such a good movie, really sad ending.

I miss Colorado sometimes. Im thing about moving back there.

well im out..love to all of you

final words from my day: not everything is meant to be, if you let it go and it comes back, you know that it is.