Have you ever had a time in your life when you just have to let everything out, and you do it by crying, but when all the tears are gone all you have is the hurt. The fear. The pain. The anger. The Sadness. The worthlessness.
Today my life seemed as if it wouldnt mattered if I feel of the face of the earth. No one would care. And it strated out with the simplest of things that shouldnt even matter, but for some reason it does. I woke up and turned my phone on as I do every morning. Usually I wake up and I have four or five text messages from friends. Today I had none. I felt wierd about it, but I thought hey no biggy its saturday they are probably sleeping in. Hours past and still no one wrote.
No emails. No IMs. I feel that my life is not what it needs to be. And I hate having these feelings of being incomplete. I wish that there was something or someone who could fill these holes that I have, but nothing seems to work. I want my dad. and I wand my brothers and my sisters. And I want my mom. I mean I live with her but we arent close. We dont have a good relationship and the sad thing is neither of us want to try.
Sometimes I wish I could just close my eyes and have evrything be ok when I open them up again. How can I feel this way when I have so much love surrounding me. I mean look at my family..ok so its just me and some of my brothers and sisters. But we all look happy..even though that day I was so pissed off I wanted to jut blow up..but I love them. And I know they love me. How could they be here and my life still be so incomplete. It doesnt make any sense to me. I miss being a little kid.
I have amazing friends and granted we do some stupid things when we get together we always pull through it because we are there for each other.
Look at me and my best friend,(I am in the red). Tasha(BooBoo Bear) is my best friend. I love her to death. When she is around I am happy. I just wish she couldbe around all the time. So I would never be unhappy. I wish that we could just take all the plans we have made and follow through on them. We have only been friends for about 4 yeras but those four years have been a lifetime of fun. and I will never ever regret anything we have gone through. She has changed me for the better. I love her with all my heart. I guess the saying "God made us best friends because our parents couldnt handle us as sisters" is really true in our case.
Oh and I decided that my blogs would be sooooo much better with a visual of who these people are. so here are a few of the people I have mentioned in my blogs. Just let me know if I have missed any of them.
This is Lyle
This is Jaclyn
This is Paul
This is Tasha (BooBoo Bear)
This is Brittany(Brit)
This is Christina(Trixy)
The guy is Garth and the chick is Trixy
This is Josh
Then we have the drama that happened the night Josh and Tasha came over. I never really explained that one so my last post was probably confusing. So I was talking to Josh and out of nowhere he is like "I want to kick Trixy's(Christina) bf's ass." I was like why and he said that he was texting Trixy and I guess Garth had her phone cuz he wrote Josh and was like "I'm going to find you and kick your ass if you text my girl again." First off we have been friends with Josh for way longer than we have know Garth! So Josh wanted a picture of Garth, so I sent him one, which I admit I had no place doing and I apologized to Trixy for that. I know I was in the wrong for that, but seriously Garth has no right telling Trixy she cant talk to Josh. So me and Trixy get in this huge arguement over text and stop talking for a few hours. Until she texts me saying sorry but Josh is an ass hole cuz he just call Tasha a slut. I was like WTF! so I asked Josh and he showed me a text but he was totally kidding when he said it Brit and Trixy and Jaclyn just were taking it way too seriously, even after Josh was like hey Im totally joking. He showed Tasha ad she was laughing. She knows he was just kidding be they all took it WAY too seriously and I get the feeling the only reason Trixy is even mad is because Garth is mad. GOSH!!!
Final words from my day: sometimes you need a day to cry
1 comment:
I agree with your last quote...sometimes that really is what you need. It's not healthy to bottle stuff up, and I know I've tried to do that before. Letting it all out really is very cleansing. I know how you feel when you said you just wanted to stay in bed all day...more days than I'd like to admit are like that for me. But you have to fight it, don't let yourself wallow in your sorrow for too long. Don't get me wrong, yeah you need to be sad and get all your emotions out for a while. But after so long, you just need to pick up and get back to living. I think you sound pretty healthy though, it sounds like you're doing just fine as far as expressing emotions go. I know things are rough...it's like that for most people. Just know that it will get better! And you have a great family and friends to help you along the way. Keep your chin up and try to smile!
--Konnor
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