Not too Sure yet?!?

I find myself thinking about Eric alot lately. I got into my mode where I have to go through everything and clean it even if it isnt messy. I always do that when i think of Eric. I dont know why, it just happens, every single frinkin time. but on the plus side my mom didnt have to scream at me to clean my room because when she came to yell at me about it, it was all shiny. It comes down to this. I still love Eric, and I probably always will, but no matter how much I love him, I cant get back together with him. I gave him a second chance and he blew it out of the water with a frickin bomb. Love hurts sometimes. And I wil have to get used to that. No matter how much I want to believe that he really cared for me, I know that all he really wanted was someone to have sex with, and that is so not cool with me. I just wish I would have known that when I was with him. I have this way of falling for guys I know arent good for me. Eric isnt the first.

Lets take a trip down memory lane shall we..

First there is my first ever boyfriend, from way back in preschool..lol..Israel. He was my first love lol. Well he was my first puppy love anyway. I will never forget that firey red hair. He was also my first kiss. Wow I miss that kid lol.

Then Christian, boy was that a mistake. In the beginning he was wonderful, and he spoiled me that was a major plus. Not that I'm a gold digger, just sayin I didnt mind. Everytime he did something to upset me he would fix it with buyng something for me. Thats when I started noticing the change in him. He would get so rough and then one day he grabbed my hand and twisted it. But of course I didnt think anything of it because I thought that was normal. So not normal. I know that now. One day he just hit me, out of no where I guess I said something to upset him. Im so happy that my friend Phil was there to see that, because no one else ever believed me, because Christian was just such a nice guy. Im not even the one who broke it off with him, my friend Vanessa did it because I was too afraid to go near him.

Then we have Eric and he hit me once and that killed our relationship. That was his second chance. The first he blew by cheating on me. With someone who was supposed to be his sister. Yuck!

Kurt was awesome. I could have swan in those beautiful grey blue eyes..mmmm. so gorgeous. I loved his eyes. In a way I think I loved him, or it was just a really really big crush. I never got him though. It was shawna then spencer and wat really sucks about that, is that I could have had him. Its just that Tashina had to go and fuck it up by tellin lies and spreadin rumors and now me and Kurt dont even talk. We used to be like best friends. Now we see each other, wave, and pass on. Goes to show that everything has its good and rough times, only the ones that are meant to go through really do. and I guess that some friendships are meant to end.

Chance, well Chance was really spontaneous. He was a small crush that got lit up and pushed forward. It lasted a short time and I dont regret anything that happened.

and finally we have Lyle..one night stand..nuff said.

Paul is a mega crush as well as Josh. Paul is illegal considering im 18 but everyone says age shouldnt matter, but it kind of does. With both of us. and Tiffany stands in the way of his sexy self. And Josh is just not gonna tell me how he feels anytime soon. Yippie for me.

I need to find a guy. Or maybe I should just occupy myself and stay single till some amazing guy comes through. It could happen right?

A few months ago my best friends grandpa past away and I miss him alot. When I moved there they all welcomed me like I was family. And then a few days ago KCs mom past on. I feel so terrible about it. And I cant do anything to change the fact that they ae both gone, and they wont be back. But I will keep them in my heart.

Final words from my day...Bless the time you have with the ones you cherish, you never know when it will all end, or someone will suddenly pass away. R.I.P Mamma Wiseman and Grandpa Lawsen you will never be forgotten.